Last night I mowed the lawn.
I decided that we shouldn't be 'those' neighbors anymore and cut our grass for the first time since a monsoon came to town. We had cut the front, but not the back-mullet style I guess. Well, since Gary may not have had a chance to mow the back until Thursday I thought that I would give it a shot.
You see, I have never done this household chore before. We were never asked to do this growing up (allergies...you know) and I informed Gary as soon as we were married that I was unable to mow grass (again...allergies...you know how it is right?!). Tonight, as I watched my two neighbors, both women, mow their lawns...I decided I could handle it. I gave both girls ample entertainment on the patio and away I went.
First I called Gary to ask a few questions:
1. How do you turn on the lawn mower
2. How do you remove the bag to empty the grass
3. When do you know that you have to empty this bag
4. Can you mow backwards or only forwards...I assumed mowing the lawn was like vacuuming the carpet...they seem similar.
5. Do you mow in horizontal or vertical lines
Just in case I had follow up questions, I pulled a very mom and suburban move and I attached the home phone to my hip for quick retrieval. (You can imagine how 'awesome' I looked right?)
As it turned out, I was unable to mow the hill in our yard. I seriously feared for my life and was not willing to rely on Brooke to call 911 if I got run over by the mower. So, we are still 'those' neighbors. Only now it is worse because we have a 75% mowed lawn...with both vertical and horizontal lines because you know I gave up on those after about 5 min.
The highlight of my mowing career was when Brooke ran into the yard (don't worry..mower was off...just empty grass into recycling bag)..removed her diaper..lifted up her skirt..gave the neighbors a show..and ran down the hill. Fabulous. Did I mention the removed diaper was filled with poop? Yeah. I'm not too worried about it, though-it's fertilizer right??
That may have gone too far...
No more mowing for me. I am going to stick with vacuuming...I keep better lines.
